Jumping In
by Zoete9
Summary: It was going to be simple: Tsubaki would cross half the bridge, step out over the side, and let go. Simple. What could go wrong? Only... there's someone else standing in her place to die. Huh. -TsuLiz-
**Author's Note:**

 **OKAY. So, I had some TsuLiz feels over the song Self Conclusion by The Spill Canvas, and this angst/fluff hybrid was born. Hope you enjoy~**

 **Trigger Warning: suicidal thoughts/actions, mentioned homophobia**

* * *

The glints of moonlight that bent along the surface of the water below almost seemed therapeutic, in a morbid sort of way. Ironic, too, because no amount of therapy had ever helped her before, and it certainly wouldn't help now, considering what she sought as she stood on this godforsaken bridge.

Tsubaki gripped the railing tighter, taking a deep breath, and her toes left the ground for what she thought was the last time, as she began to pull herself up to climb over, stand along the edge, but she never even got that far. Footsteps clapped along the pavement behind her, and Tsubaki whirled around to see who had such horrible timing. They just _had_ to interrupt her before she could fling herself over the edge, didn't they? God, she couldn't even _die_ right.

"Shit, I didn't think anyone else would be here," the person muttered, echoing Tsubaki's own thoughts.

Her eyes raked down the stranger's figure, trying to discern their identity despite the darkness. Said stranger seemed to be doing the same to Tsubaki.

It was a girl, whose blonde hair appeared white when bathed in moonlight, but her _eyes_ were what really struck Tsubaki. Bluish grey and completely dead – the latter of which was not so unlike Tsubaki's darker variety of blue. And, well, the girl was _beautiful_.

She possessed a cold, poetic kind of beauty, like shards of ice or shattered glass, untouchable with her sharp edges, and yet Tsubaki felt she wouldn't mind getting cut if she was allowed to get close enough to touch.

Tsubaki could have laughed at the sheer _irony_ of having such a thought; here she was, ready to jump off a bridge, partly _because_ of how frowned upon thoughts like that were, and she was still having them despite it all.

She really was going to hell.

"I-I'm Tsubaki. What's your name?" Tsubaki blurted, and she immediately wanted to take it back once the other girl looked at her with bewilderment.

But then she let her surprise go and shrugged, burying her hands in her pockets. "Elizabeth. But Liz is cooler, so let's just go with that."

"That's a nice name," Tsubaki returned lamely, with a smile that felt a lot more like a grimace.

"Look, _Tsubaki_ ," Liz said, suddenly harsh. She sniffled, and it was only then that Tsubaki noticed Liz was crying. "This has been fun and all, but my sister just died, and I've got a date with death myself. You're kind of ruining my plan here, so I'd appreciate it if you'd get the hell out of my way, without preaching about how what I want is fucked up."

Tsubaki gawked at the abrupt shift in attitude. "Excuse me, but who exactly do you think I am? Do you even understand what you just said to me?"

Of course Liz wouldn't get it, because she didn't live inside Tsubaki's head, couldn't know she'd hit a nerve, but that didn't mean Liz's dismissive eye-roll didn't hurt. Tsubaki was always so easily dismissed, but then, that was her _own_ fault for never asserting what she wanted.

"No, I don't know, and I don't care!" Liz snapped. "Ugh, this is so – _I'm_ so stupid! I should have just walked past you and fucking went for it. Seriously, _go away_. You don't even know me."

Tsubaki couldn't explain what came over her after that. Maybe it was the fact that she was _sick_ and _tired_ of being shoved off to the side like nothing. Or maybe it was the way Liz had put it – a "date with death" – but this suddenly all seemed, in Liz's own words, pretty _fucked up_. Absolutely ridiculous, in fact. Tsubaki was done holding her silence on the matter; Liz needed to get a grip, before she succumbed to the same monster that Tsubaki almost had moments ago, and still kind of wanted to, if she was honest.

"You're right," Tsubaki admitted softly. "I don't know you. But I'd love to, and you have to stay alive for that to happen. We've all thought about ending it at some point, right? It'd be so easy, you know? Nooses, slit wrists, pills, stepping into traffic, _bridges_ – it'd be so easy, if you're brave enough to do it. The trick is that you're never supposed act on the urge, no matter how miserable things are."

It was strange, smiling warmly after her mouth had nearly forgotten how to do it, but Tsubaki managed. And Liz's awestruck face was worth it – until she scowled.

"You make it sound _so damn easy_ to keep living," she spat. "But it doesn't work like that. It doesn't work like that, because I'm already dead. I died with her. And dying again, like this, fuck… it isn't _brave_ \- far from it, actually. It's _weak_. You don't understand what this feels like, so just–"

Liz cut off with a startled gasp as Tsubaki boldly climbed over the railing. She would have screamed, too, if Tsubaki hadn't immediately planted her feet along the narrow ledge of concrete on the other side – but then, still gripping the railing, she upped the level of danger, extended her arms outward, and Liz held her breath. Leaning off the bridge at a terrifying angle, Tsubaki faced Liz, as though she wanted Liz to be the last thing she ever saw before plummeting backwards.

"What are you doing?" Liz choked out, apparently not liking the fact that Tsubaki had stolen away death's attention on their precious date – or, perhaps, if Tsubaki squinted and didn't listen to her own self-loathing, it looked like Liz cared. "You can't…"

"I can't what? Jump?" Tsubaki cocked her head challengingly, not usually this confrontational, but she didn't know how else to make Liz listen. "Believe me, I can. I almost did. This is exactly what you would've seen if you'd come a few minutes later. Or, who knows, maybe I'd be halfway down stream by now."

Tsubaki felt a sick sort of satisfaction at how close Liz looked to _being_ sick as she shook her head, biting her lip nervously. "No, you wouldn't have jumped," Liz claimed. "You won't jump. Not after what you said about not acting on it."

Tsubaki shrugged, making Liz suck in a sharp breath at the way her hands nearly slipped from the railing, but Tsubaki either didn't notice or didn't care as she smiled and agreed, "Probably not, if I were here by myself. But do you want to know what _will_ make me jump?"

"What?" Liz asked, apprehension furrowing her brow.

"If you decide _you're_ going to."

Liz recoiled as though struck. "Are you crazy?! You can't just base your own decision on mine!"

"Stop telling me what I can and can't do! I get enough of it from everyone else!" Tsubaki shouted, then waited until she'd regained her composure before continuing in her usual soft voice. "If you really want to go out like that, I'm not going to let you do it alone. We'll jump together. And–"

"Oh my god, quit–"

"Let me finish, okay?" Tsubaki requested, and Liz grudgingly nodded. "Here's Plan B: instead of dying, living with me."

Liz's eyes went wide. "Living with you? When I barely _know_ you?" She shook her head as though she couldn't believe it. "Man, you really _are_ crazy."

Tsubaki sighed, knowing it had been a long-shot, but she wasn't giving up yet.

"Liz, please. I can't promise that things won't still suck sometimes – no one can. And I know everything I've said to you is so cliché it barely even counts, or helps you, but I can't stand here all night trying to convince you if your heart is set on dying. I'd rather follow you out, for the same reasons I came here at all, than stay and be alone. It's so incredibly _selfish_ of me to ask you to live in order to keep another person alive, but Liz, my offer stands, and you need to choose now. My fingers are getting numb and I might not regret it if they let go."

Liz wrung her hands together, shrinking in on herself before slumping in defeat. "One night," she blurted, and Tsubaki's heart thumped and jumped and squeezed as she saw those eyes finally sparkle, faintly alive. "The rest of this one and the next. I'll give you _this_ fucking night and a day to prove jumping wouldn't be worth it."

Without skipping a beat, Tsubaki held out her hand. "Tonight and a day."

Liz lunged for it, swallowing heavily as she held Tsubaki's hand in both of hers. "I swear to god, if you hurt me, I'll..." she trailed off, letting the silence speak for itself.

Another warm smile twitched into place on Tsubaki's face. She climbed over the railing, planting her feet on solid ground, and enjoying the way they looked standing toe-to-toe with Liz's.

"I know," Tsubaki said. "Me too."

A minute flash of a smile appeared, although Liz's voice cracked as she whispered, "We're so fucked up."

"True. But even crazy people deserve coffee," Tsubaki joked, cocking her head. "Want to grab some on the way home?"

Liz wrinkled her nose. "Hell no, that's so cliche. I want… a milkshake. We can be a better kind of cliche and share one, get a couple of badass bendy straws, the whole shebang. I know a place in town."

Tsubaki laughed for the first time in what felt like years, impressed with how quickly the other had turned the mood around. "I like you already."

"Oh?" Liz beamed at her. "I don't spout L words until at least the second date, I'll have you know."

"Fine by me," she shot back, and it really was, because they would have time for that later.

Tsubaki bit her lip, pulse screaming that she was _alive, alive, alive_. It pounded at the sight of Liz, a mesmerizing combo of beauty and brilliance wrapped in sharp edged glass; it urged her to _do_ something about it. And she did. She filled the gaps between Liz's fingers with her own, fascinated at how someone could make her heart beat so damn fast when she hadn't wanted it to beat at all.

"What's your favorite flavor?" Liz asked as they walked, saying nothing of their linked hands. "Mine's chocolate, but you look more like a vanilla person."

Tsubaki ignored the voice in her head that said, ' _Yes, I'm about as vanilla as they come; I'll bore you to tears,'_ and giggled. "How could you tell?"

"Oh, I don't know. You're just so _sweet_ and _innocent_."

Tsubaki blushed. "H-hey! That's not-"

"True?" Liz finished. She snorted, flicking a few stray hairs out of her face. "Come on. It's completely true, I can see that much, and I barely even know you yet."

Sufficiently embarrassed, Tsubaki didn't respond, looking down and away.

Liz sighed, tugging on her hand. "I'm sorry, I always think I'm being funny, but that was insensitive. I don't even know why you were on that bridge, and yet here I am, making fun of you like a total asshat."

"It's fine," Tsubaki mumbled, then remembered how irritated people usually got when she wasn't loud enough. "It's fine! I know you didn't mean anything bad by it."

The blonde frowned, but didn't press the matter. "Alright, if you say so."

 _Yes, I do. I finally get a say in something for once…_

* * *

Tsubaki leaned over and took another sip, sucking hard to get the frozen thickness out of the straw and into her mouth. They had spent the entire night so far talking about every topic that came to mind. It had jumped from significant to random details of their respective lives and, at some point, Liz's sister came up. Tsubaki had gotten a front row seat to the way she lit up as she ranted and raved about Patty Thompson, talked about how Patty had been the only thing she'd had left. The pain in her eyes as she'd said that made Tsubaki understand why Liz had tried to throw herself off a bridge.

Tsubaki was also pretending not to notice the way Liz kept trying to grab her hand from across the booth, a chocolate-vanilla swirl milkshake between them. The bendy straws (which Liz had told the waitress were _extremely important, you have to find them_ ) made Tsubaki feel oddly giddy, like a kid again.

"So, stranger," Liz began jokingly, though she became serious as soon as Tsubaki blinked. "I don't mean to pry, but what made you come out there tonight? I blurted out my reason, might as well return the favor."

"You're right, you deserve to know." Tsubaki twisted her hands together beneath the table, willing herself not to start crying. "Funny you should phrase it like that, actually. 'Coming out' is what _got_ me to come out tonight."

The fingers that Liz had been idly tapping along the table froze. "What? Tsubaki..."

Tsubaki pursed her lips. "I, uh… told my parents that I wasn't - _am not_ , straight. They didn't take it very well, kicked me out."

"Shit," Liz muttered, her visible hand curling into a fist. "That sounds awful."

Tsubaki only shrugged.

"What did you do after that? Where've you been staying?" Liz asked, the undercurrent of concern in her voice warming Tsubaki to the core.

"I've been staying with friends, except I started to feel like an annoyance, so I just moved into a motel. But-" Tsubaki paused, trailing a finger through the water clinging to the glass cup between them. "But even then, I… I didn't want to burden people anymore, with myself, and I remembered that bridge. It all seemed so perfect. I was ready to give it up, I really was, but then I saw you."

Liz finally succeeded in grabbing her hand from across the table, briefly startling her. "I'm sorry. Your parents sound really shitty, if that helps. And…" Liz's cheeks darkened, smile slight and hesitant. "Your crazy ass stunt kind of worked. The urge to jump has faded for now, so I guess… I'm glad we met."

"That does help a little, especially that last part." Tsubaki tried to smile back, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "But you should tell me now if this bugs you, because I don't think I'd handle it very well if you shut me out, too."

Liz raised an eyebrow, lifting their joined hands incredulously. "Are you seriously asking if this _bugs me_? After I've been flirting with you all night and keep trying to hold your hand?"

Tsubaki figeted. "Uh… yes?"

"Damn, Tsubaki. I'm honestly afraid I'll have to resort to giving you lap-dance before you believe that I'm kind of gay for you."

"Liz!" Tsubaki hissed, looking wildly around the diner. "There are _kids_ in here!"

"God knows why, considering how late it is."

"I'm being serious!"

Blue-gray eyes rolled at her obvious panic. "Chill out, Tsubaki. It's not like it's a bad word. If it is, I'm about to be scolded by all the suburban moms in this joint."

Tsubaki's eyes widened. "Liz, _no_. Please don't."

Seemingly ignoring her, Liz took a deep breath. In a last-ditch effort, Tsubaki kicked her shin under the table.

Liz yelped, wrenching her hand free to grab at her sore leg. " _Fuck_ , really, Tsubaki? You had to get violent?"

"I'm _sorry_ ," Tsubaki squeaked, covering her mouth with both hands, "but you were going to-"

"Jesus, who the hell made you think it was so wrong to say…" Liz trailed off with a wince, this time not from the pain in her leg. "Oh. Right. That was extremely fucking dumb of me, sorry."

Tsubaki only gave her a sheepish smile. "It's okay. I wish I wasn't so afraid, but…"

Liz nodded. "It's not your fault. I understand."

They stayed, mouths smiling and laughing and spinning tales, until the rest of their milkshake melted into liquid and the last employee was forced to kick them out.

* * *

She hadn't planned on seeing the light of another day, not in the metaphorical _or_ literal sense, but here she was, all the same, watching the sunrise because Liz had wanted to.

Her eyes fluttered sleepily, trying to enclose her in darkness when she'd rather be surrounded by light for once. The sun's first rays crept over the ground like tendrils of golden smoke, casting tricky shadows on Liz's face as Tsubaki glanced her way.

"It's a beautiful morning," Tsubaki murmured, captivated by the starbursts of blue and the ringlets of gray in Liz's eyes when illuminated by sunlight.

Liz didn't hide, didn't even look toward the sun, eyes on Tsubaki. "Yeah, it is. A beautiful beginning."


End file.
